heaven's gates won't open up for me
by i set my sims on fire
Summary: Sometimes, certain people are meant to fall for each other, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are meant to be together - Louis/Lucy. Cousincest.


**Warning: bad language and cousincest, if you have a problem with either, please don't read**

****heaven's gates won't open up for me

Louis bites his nails as he watches her from across the room.

She is sort of everything to him. She is Lucy Weasley, and she's got dark hair framing a pale face, and blue eyes that somehow match his favourite colour. But it's not just that- she's smart, and she's funny and witty, and kind. She's the good to match his awful, and he wishes he was good enough for her to even acknowledge.

Lucy catches his eye from across the room, sipping delicately from her glass, and as the glass breaks away from her lips, she gives him a hesitant smile before she turns back to talk to her boyfriend.

Louis doesn't know his name. He never caught his name, when Lucy bought him over to their grandparents house this summer. And so he tears his gaze away from Lucy, trying not to let his gaze linger on the way the white dress she's wearing clings to her body perfectly, the delicate shape of her hands and her red-painted nails.

He feels weird inside. A little sick. He's sick, isn't he? Lusting after his cousin, when they share the same surname and the same blood. But he'd sacrifice all that, his name and his fame and whatever goodness he has left inside of him, whatever purity he's managed to keep among the herds of unfamiliar bodies and nameless faces and girls he lusted for and never loved, to be able to hold Lucy's hand and place kisses on her lips, and wipe away her tears when she's sad.

Louis sighs, and gulps down a mouthful of butterbeer.

'What's up with you?' his sister asks, sitting down beside him. Louis doesn't look up to face Dominique's gaze, but he knows that she'll be tilting her head to the side, trying to figure out her little brother's moodiness, but she won't get it.

'Nothing,' Louis shrugs. 'I'm just tired.'

'Bullshit,' Dominique says. 'What is it? A girl?'

Momentarily, Louis's eyes brush against Lucy's image. She has her back turned to him, now, but he can see her shoulders shake as she laughs at something, sub-consciously running a hand through dark locks.

'Yeah,' he says. 'Something like that.'

Dominique ruffles his hair with her hand. Louis can picture the grin on her face. 'Never thought I'd see the day, Louis Weasley actually having _feelings_ for someone, rather than just wanting to bone them. I'm proud of you.'

Louis pulls away from her, frowning. He's in no mood for this, not that Dominique can tell. He's always been a moody bastard. This will seem no different. In a way, he's good at masking his emotions. If he's constantly quiet and withdrawn, nobody will notice when there's something really messed up inside of him.

'It isn't like that,' Louis says.

'Oh, yeah?' Dominique teases. 'I doubt it. But Louis, don't worry about it. When have _you_ ever been rejected?' she shakes her head. 'It's disgusting, but girls fall head over heels for you. You could get whoever you wanted, so don't lose sleep over it.'

Dominique stands up, the glass in her hand clinks.

'Not everyone,' Louis murmurs, but Dominique can't hear him as she trails away, and so he fixes his eyes on the floor, wanting to divert his gaze from the better view who just so happens to be his cousin.

x

Louis finds Lucy in the Ravenclaw common room at half-past two in the morning when they're back at Hogwarts. He is rubbing his eyes, having woken up from a nightmare he can't quite recall, and the darkness and soft snoring that fills his dormitory is unnerving.

Lucy is sprawled out on the couch. Her body is shaking, and he can hear her quiet sobs from the top of the boys' staircase. He pads down the stairs quietly, not wanting to alarm her, and he pauses for a moment, frozen still.

He wants to comfort her, but he doesn't know if he quite has the words. He's not really a people-person, and even when he's hooking up with one of his many admirers, he's never particularly talkative.

'Lucy?' he says. And then he winces because his voice is too loud in the quiet of the common room, and Lucy sits up with a start.

'Louis?' she says, and her voice is soft. She's looking at him and her eyes are red-rimmed and her cheeks are wet. She doesn't sound angry, just sad, and surprised, and very tired.

He moves towards her slowly. Lucy's eyes are on him the whole time, but she doesn't look too weary at the sight of him and so he allows himself to take a seat beside her. The tears have stopped, and Lucy dabs at her cheek with her sleeve.

'Whar are you doing down here?' she asks. 'It's late.'

'I-' and Louis has momentary flashbacks of dark rooms and flashing images. 'Couldn't sleep.'

Lucy nods.

'What about you? What's wrong?'

She sighs. 'Nothing,' she says. She wraps a strand of dark hair around her finger.

Louis raises an eyebrow. 'You were crying.'

'No shit,' Lucy mutters, sounding a little irritated at his observation.

'I'm just saying. It couldn't have been nothing. Not if it made you cry.'

'I meant it's not important.'

'It is, though. Come on, what is it?'

Louis sounds nice and soft and genuine, and so Lucy sighs, her head falling into her hands and her breathing heavy.

'It's really nothing important. Me and Max had a fight, and I think we broke up. See?' she laughs bitterly. 'I'm crying in the middle of the night over my boyfriend. Or, well, ex, I suppose. See? It's nothing. Pathetic, actually. Don't worry about me.'

'Lucy,' Louis says. 'It isn't pathetic. It upset you. That's fair enough. It's a shitty feeling, arguing with someone you care about.'

'I didn't think you'd know,' Lucy says, and maybe she doesn't mean to be rude or accusing, but she kind of sounds it. 'I thought all you had were friends with benefits. I figured you were a 'shag you now, see you later,' kind of guy.'

Louis feels as though he's been slapped, or hit with a stinging hex. Not because of her choice of words; he's been called worse, and he knows he deserves it because he's been told he looks almost angelic when he's actually pretty sinful, and his behaviour is disgusting and unacceptable, and totally _not_ pure. No, it hurts because it's her. Because it's Lucy.

Louis just shrugs awkwardly. 'I guess I don't know,' he admits. 'I've never really cared- properly- for a girl I've been... with. But I know what it's like to fight with someone I care about. Even if it isn't in the same way.'

Lucy nods, slowly.

'It makes you feel awful,' Louis sighs.

'Yeah,' Lucy mumbles. 'It does.'

There is a long, drawn out silence, and Louis wants to kiss her. But he doesn't.

'I don't know what to do,' she admits.

Hurt prickles inside Louis, because he is talking to the girl he can't have right now, about how she cares for someone else, about how she wants someone else. And a cerulean-eyed smile isn't going to work for him here.

'Talk to him,' Louis says, trying to hide any trace of hurt or envy in his voice. 'Sort things out. Say you're sorry. I'm sure he feels just as bad as you do.'

'I doubt that,' Lucy sighs.

'Then he's a twat,' Louis replies simply. 'Look, Lucy. If you want something, you should go for it. If you want someone, then just... let them know. And if you care about Max, tell him, it'll be alright. Honest.'

Lucy looks at him for a long moment.

And then her lips are on his.

He doesn't know how it happens, or how long it lasts. All he knows is that her lips are softly working in sync with his, and he wonders if he never woke up from dreaming, though this is far better- and worse- than a nightmare.

She is the first to pull away, and she bites her lip, she doesn't quite meet his eye.

Lucy stands up.

'Goodnight, Louis,' she says softly.

Louis doesn't move from his seat. He waits until she is gone, and he is surrounded by silence, nothing more and nothing less. With a shaking hand, he reaches up to his mouth, brushing his lips with his finger.

He wonders what just happens, and knows that tomorrow, the heaven he experienced when her lips touched his will be plunged into whatever hell is in store for him next. Quietly, he makes his way up the stairs and into his bed, counting his sins on his fingers.

x

They're sitting on opposite ends of the Ravenclaw table at breakfast the next day, and Louis glances in her direction but Lucy looks away and refuses to meet his eye.

Louis sighs to himself, and matters are made only worse when Max approaches from the Gryffindor table.

Lucy's body stiffens as he slips onto the the bench and sits next to her, but after a few minutes of faint talking Louis can't hear, she softens. He snakes his arm around her shoulder and kisses her on the lips, and it hurts too much and Louis looks away.

Suddenly, he's not hungry anymore.

Max stands up, holding out his hand, and Lucy slips her fingers between his. They leave the Great Hall together, and Louis's gaze accidentally burns into her back. She looks around, quickly, as they leave, and she shoots him a despairing glance.

Louis knows what that look means. It's a mixture of 'I'm sorry' and 'Forget about it' and 'Please, please, don't say anything.'

And he won't. A small, sinister part of him would like to. He supposes slither of his rather-screwed-up-anyway conscience would love to inflict even the tiniest bit of the pain she's caused him right back on her, but he knows he can't.

Louis knows, deep down, he'd never want to do a thing that'd hurt Lucy.

The thing is- and he knows it, full well- Lucy is better with Max. Max is bold and strong and Gryffindor, and- when he refrains from being a pretentious twat- he's a nice person. He makes Lucy smile and laugh, he can kiss her openly and hold her hand in public. Louis has a reputation the size of the wizarding world, and too many sins to count on ten fingers. She's his favourite, he has to say.

Louis and Lucy will never work.

Louis stands up, brushing crumbs off of his clothes, and he sighs to himself, and he figures that sometimes, certain people are meant to fall for each other, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are meant to be together.

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